i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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