I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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