i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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