Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize