not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize