how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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