he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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