Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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