Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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