Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize