k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize