you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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