How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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