Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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