When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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