Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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