I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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