why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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