you guys were way drunker than both of me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it's like iHOP with fire
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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