I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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