Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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