The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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