My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize