I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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