I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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