Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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