like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize