dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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