Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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