Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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