whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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