Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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