Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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