I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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