It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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