This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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