Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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