He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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