I think I died a long time ago.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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