Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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