Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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