Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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