Michael Bay diarrhea
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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