ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize