I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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