pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize