why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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