I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up under a house in Key West
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