he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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