I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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